4 Things I Would Do Differently in Postpartum…
This week on the blog, I shared a story about the postpartum trauma that changed my life.
This event was stacked on top of a birth trauma I had experienced one month prior.
After my birth trauma, I knew I felt *off*.
But I was TERRIFIED of sinking into the depths of postpartum depression (and I didn’t know about ANY of the other PMADs), and so I did everything I could to just “move on”.
Then, after my postpartum hemorrhage and emergency surgery, I still tried to “move on” - as if none of these terrible things had happened to me.
If I could go back in time six years, and tell myself something, I would tell her to please do these four things:
Ask your friends and family for help. - My biological family lived across the country, but the majority of our chosen family is local. I look back and see how much I was drowning, but I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. Please listen when I say, you are not a burden. It is OK to ask for help. You deserve support and love during this difficult time.
Find a trauma therapist. - I continued working with my previously-established therapist, however, she did not specialize in perinatal mental health or trauma. A part of me felt healed by having a safe space to cry and talk about what happened to me, but it didn’t touch the trauma that I held in my body. Finding an EMDR therapist changed my life.
Allow yourself to feel your ‘negative’ feelings, whether it be grief or anger. - I was afraid to cry, because I feared I would never be able to stop. I was also so angry at my doctor for her negligence, but the intensity of my anger felt scary. So I pushed those emotions down, and tried to stay ‘positive’; but all that did was postpone my healing. All emotions are important and are OK to feel.
Prioritize your self-care. - Being away from my baby while at the hospital felt so traumatic for me, and so I never wanted to be away from my baby after that. I focused all my energy on taking care of my baby (and, honestly, my husband). But then that meant I didn’t have adequate time to fill my own cup. I slowly became depleted, which made me more vulnerable to my trauma responses and declining mental health.
Looking back on your postpartum, what would you have done differently? And if you are pregnant, how do you want to do things differently in your future postpartum?
