Did You Fear a Loss of Control During Pregnancy?

I have heard a lot of pregnant people say, “I just want my baby here, so I know they are safe.”

When I hear this, it often means that the pregnant person feels anxious about their baby’s well-being while in their body.

Not being able to see the baby, and to *know* they are OK, can cause great discomfort. 

There might be the fear of miscarriage. Or a fear of the birth not going to ‘plan’. Maybe even a fear of how one will navigate stressful relationships with other family members after the baby arrives.

When humans have times of uncertainty, we grasp for what we can control. More often than not, this is done through controlling what is tangible: food and body.

I have seen people try to follow specific eating guidelines - believing if they eat ‘perfectly’, their baby will be fine. 

I have seen people engage in obsessive and/or compulsive behaviors, such as eating the same foods everyday, because it feels like following these patterns can prevent ‘bad’ things from happening.

I have seen people try and control their weight throughout pregnancy, seeing ‘perfect’ weight gain (i.e., following the guidelines to a T) as an indicator they are doing pregnancy ‘right’.

I have also seen the opposite, where the pregnant person’s weight gain was ‘as recommended’, and they felt like they were already a ‘failure’ as a parent. 

Desiring control in our lives is normal and common. Recognizing what we do, and do not, have control over in our lives is part of our development as humans (during our toddler years, which totally makes sense once you have a toddler!). 

Pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood are times when we realize we don’t have as much control as we thought. It can be jarring, and feel frightening. 

If this is you, you do not have to go through this alone. Please connect with a therapist (who specializes in perinatal mental health!) to support you on this healing journey.

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