Anniversaries of Perinatal Trauma
When my first daughter was 1 month old, I had a postpartum hemorrhage at home and needed to have an emergency D&C (i.e., surgery).
The most traumatic moment of my life was saying goodbye to her before leaving for the hospital, because I feared I would never see her again.
As I approached the first anniversary of this trauma - even though I had processed this trauma in therapy - I noticed my body was remembering.
I felt more uneasy and hypervigilant. I wanted to cocoon myself and just get through that season.
And, while every year gets a little easier, my body still remembers what we went through together.
I also see this so often in the clients I work with:
One person experienced severe preeclampsia, beginning at 28 weeks in her first pregnancy. Now, as she has passed the 28-week mark in her second pregnancy, she fears preeclampsia will come around at any moment.
Another person had a difficult time looking at photos of her birth and early postpartum, after having had an emergency Cesarean birth, even one year later.
A third person experienced severe postpartum OCD, and feels activated every year on the anniversary of when those intrusive thoughts began.
If you resonate with any of this, I hope you know…
You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.
Call or text Postpartum Support International HelpLine at 800-944-4773. You never need a diagnosis to ask for help.
