Asking For What You Need Can Feel Scary

OOF yesterday was a DOOZY…

Long story short: My husband, older daughter, and I were supposed to go skiing yesterday.

It was a gorgeous bluebird day.

It was the last day the mountain would be open for skiing.

My husband had all of our stuff packed in the car.

😩 And then, last minute, my daughter adamantly said she was not going.

We tried reminding her how much fun she has, but NOPE, she did not want to go. She wanted to stay home with her grandma and little sister.

🫠 Our 6-year-old has been having some BIG feelings lately, and it can take as long as a couple hours for us to help her co-regulate.

I could feel the storm was brewing. She said she was feeling overwhelmed and she didn’t know why. I could see that she didn’t want to disappoint us, while she also wanted to vocalize her own needs.

I told my husband we needed to stay home; and then he asked it:

“Well, can I still go skiing?” 😡

If this were 6 years ago, I would have said “yes”. I would have felt guilty for preventing him from doing his own self-care. I would have put my needs aside, and prioritized his.

🗣️ But in this moment, I KNEW my daughter was about to have a storm of big feelings, and I was not about to help emotionally-regulate on my own.

🙌🏻 I said ‘no’, and it felt like such a win for the people-pleasing part of me - the part of me who learned she could not have her own needs; who could not be a burden or “too much” to others; and who felt safety and love only could be achieved through prioritizing others.

➡️ Was my husband disappointed and sad he could not go skiing one last time this year? Yes.

➡️ Did my daughter have a storm of big feelings soon after the time he would have left? YUP.

➡️ Did we get through the big feelings together, and make the best of the day we got? Yeah, we did.

➡️ Am I glad I trusted my gut, and asserted what I needed, despite it causing discomfort? YES! ✨

🌱 It is a basic. human. right. to ask for what you need. Sometimes the need can be met, and other times it can’t. Regardless, it can be so healing to have the courage to speak up.

What is a need you have that you feel afraid to ask for? Could you try asking for something you need today?