My Intuitive Eating Journey

“I know how many calories are in a Cheerio”

This is what a peer said to me in eating disorder treatment, as she dumped her bowl of Cheerios onto the table and began counting them as she put them back in the bowl.

Long story short, I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 16-years-old. I will share more of my story over time, but this was a pivotal moment in my treatment. 

I looked in that girl’s eyes and saw nothing. There was no life there; only her eating disorder. I was horrified. 

I immediately looked down at my food and *knew* I did not want that for myself. I *knew* I needed to dig deep and find my ‘reasons’ to get better.

And in that moment, I *knew* two things deep in my bones:

I wanted to have a career where I helped people.

And I wanted to, one day, be a mother.

From then on, every day, I chose recovery. Since then, I have become a therapist, as well as a mother to two beautiful little girls. My dreams have come true, and I am beyond grateful for my 16-year-old self and her courageous decision to choose life over her eating disorder.

But it is not as simple as that. While I got my diagnosis almost 20 years ago, my recovery journey has been anything but simple. 

I have gone from strictly following meal plans established by dietitians; 

to binge-restrict cycles; 

to binge eating; 

to restricting during the week and eating whatever I want on the weekends; 

to compensating for what I ate with exercise; 

to nearly relapsing in my first postpartum; 

and, finally, finding the practice of intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating has changed my life. It has given me the ability to begin healing my relationship with food and body. Better yet, it is helping me model a healthy relationship with food and body for my girls. 
Change is still possible, and you are not alone. If you are curious how to find peace with food and body - especially during pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood - stay tuned!