Let’s Talk About the Trauma of Intrusive Thoughts…

Content Warning: Descriptive Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts

When people talk about perinatal trauma, I typically hear it in regards to pre-eclampsia,  birth trauma, or postpartum health complications.

But honestly… the first time I had an intrusive thought about harming my baby felt JUST as traumatic as my birth and postpartum traumas.

That first intrusive thought about harming my baby absolutely shook me to my core.

I was afraid to be alone with my baby.

I mean, what kind of mother - or what kind of person - could ever have such a thought.

I now know that intrusive thoughts happen to as many as *100%* of new parents.

I know that intrusive thoughts are *ego-dystonic* - meaning something that is not in line with who you are, as a person.

I also now know that I was experiencing postpartum OCD (which helped me realize I have OCD on the regular).

BUT before I realized this, I didn’t know how I could live with myself.

It was one of the most painful times of my life.

My past eating disorder came calling. 

I could hear it in the corner of my mind:

“Hey there, I can help… Let me take over… Just for a little bit… You will feel better”

It felt so tempting - To feel like I had control of *something* at that point. 

As an eating disorder therapist, I knew this was a false promise. Sure, things might feel better for a brief period of time; but I knew I would be causing more harm, in the long-term.

I suffered alone. 

It was when I reached out to Postpartum Support International - and found a therapist who specialized in perinatal mental health AND trauma - when I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. PSI gave me hope. 

If any of this is resonating with you…

You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.

Call or text Postpartum Support International HelpLine at 800-944-4773. You never need a diagnosis to ask for help.

Download the Connect by PSI App

Call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-852-6262

In a crisis situation, call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988

Visit postpartum.net for additional programs and resources

Join a FREE Online Support Groups! View their current schedule at postpartum.net