Anxious Attachment in Postpartum & Parenthood

How does a person develop an anxious (or ambivalent) attachment?

-You had a parent whose communication style was inconsistent, and at times intrusive.

-You learned, depending on your parent’s emotional state, whether or not you can depend on your parent to meet your needs - sometimes your parent was responsive, and other times they were very-much not.

So, what does this attachment style look like in postpartum and parenthood?

-Depending on your own emotional state at the time, you may or may not be able to read your child’s cues and meet their needs.

-You feel overwhelmed with doubts and fears about your ability to take care of your child, as well as if you can consistently rely on others.

-You experience difficulty with separating your child’s internal experience (THEIR big feelings) and your internal experience (YOUR big feelings).

If you are resonated with this, and you are wondering how you can work towards a secure attachment style, please know…

Attachment is not fixed. You can work towards a secure attachment.

We are not destined to repeat the patterns of our parents or of our past.

2 healing steps to begin this process include:
-Having an understanding of our attachment styles and why they evolved can help us to make the first steps in breaking generational cycles and creating new patterns in your family, moving forward (therapy is great for this!).

-Doing self-soothing activities, such as self-talk techniques (putting words to your experience, identifying and reframing negative thoughts), can be helpful in calming anxiety or other big feelings.

Why? If you are ambivalently (anxiously) attached, you most likely have an overactive feeling (right-side) brain, and an underactive thinking (left-side) brain. Using language in your thinking brain can help bring a sense of calm to your feeling brain.