Guilt vs. Shame in Postpartum & Parenthood

According to the Dialectical Behavior Therapy approach, we have 10 emotions hardwired into our biology.

Guilt, believe it or not, is one of them.

So, when and why do we feel guilt?

When we violate one of our own, personal, values or moral code.

Wait, so when do we feel shame?

When we violate SOCIETY’S values, and there is a fear we will be rejected by society/others.

What are values?

Values are the beliefs and principles that you believe are important in the way that you live your life.

Common values people try to live by include being kind and respectful.

So, my number one question for you when you are feeling guilty for practicing self-care and taking time for yourself:

“What value of MINE am I violating by practicing self-care today?”

Oftentimes, people realize they are not violating any of their own values.

They realize the guilt is not justified by their own internal compass, and is rather the SHAME from SOCIETY/others that is placed on mothers and parents for taking time for themselves.

So, the next time you feel guilty for wanting time for yourself, ask yourself:

“What value of mine am I violating by tending to myself?” (You, most likely, aren’t!)

And then go do something for YOU.