Are You Empathizing Or Fusing?

I am sure most of you have heard of the term, empathy, which is the practice of being with another in their experience - feeling with them in their emotions, and ‘sitting beside’ them so they feel less alone. 

Fusion, on the other hand, can be defined as the process of two or more things combining and becoming one. So how does this compare to empathy? When we fuse with another person in their experience, we are not able to separate what is - and what is not - ours to hold, and we take on this person’s experience as if it were directly happening to ourselves. 

For example, as a therapist it is vital I am able to empathize with my clients and to feel with them in their stories, grief, and emotions. Empathy allows me to truly be with them in their experience during the session, come back to myself when the session is done, and move forward into my next session where I can be truly present with another individual. 

If I were to fuse with each client, I would (1) not be able to be effectively present for each person; and (2) accumulate all of the stories, grief, and emotions I hold during the day - or even week, month, and year - and it would have a negative impact on my personal and professional well being, such as not being able to be the patient and present mother I want to be. 

So how do we recognize we are fusing, rather than empathizing? There is a red flag I want you to look out for: If you are responding from a place of, “Well, if *I* were in this situation, *I* would feel, or what *I” would need…”, and supporting another person from that perspective, you are most likely fusing.

While it may look like empathy, you are actually coming at it from your own viewpoint - through the lens of your *own* opinions, experiences, and limiting beliefs - as if the situation were happening to you. This can impede your ability to see what other person is actually feeling and needing, and decrease your ability to support in the way you want to.

So how can we make a positive change? Awareness is the first step. I created a resource you can use to help you identify triggering events, recognize what core beliefs are being activated, and how to create a cope-ahead plan. Click here and get access to this guide!