Finding Oneself In Postpartum
As a therapist who specializes in treating both eating disorders and perinatal mental health, as well as just being an empowered woman trying to fight our patriarchal society on the reg, one of the statements geared towards postpartum people that really irks me is asking how they will get their “pre-pregnancy body back”.
From my experience working with many pregnant and postpartum individuals, I have witnessed what it is like for people to hear these types of unhelpful messages from society as well as others in their life. It can cause a great deal of despair when there is this emphasis on losing weight during a time when it is most important to nourish oneself.
I think another one of the most common things I have seen is the desire for a postpartum person to feel like themselves again - how they felt before they even became pregnant. It can feel so hard to put words to this experience, and maybe there aren’t words for it.
So we do what humans do. We reach for what we can control; what we can change. It is easier to do this with things that are tangible - our bodies - versus what is intangible, such as our thoughts and feelings.
As a result, there is a hyper-focus on body and weight. This feeling of “If I can get back to my pre-pregnancy weight/body, then I will feel like myself again.” Unfortunately, people realize that, even if/when they do reach their pre-pregnancy weight/body, they still don’t feel like themselves, and it is because they aren’t!
When your child is born, it is like you are reborn. You are no longer the person you once were. You are someone brand new. This can feel incredibly scary. It can also feel exhilarating.
Bringing it full circle, in order to reduce that focus on weight and body, what are some other questions or statements we can ask ourselves or other new parents? Rather than focusing on the body and how the person looks, what if we asked questions about how the person is *feeling* during this transition into parenthood?
Maybe try asking:
“How/what are you feeling?”
“What do you need?”
“What feels most challenging for you right now?”
“What are you finding most joyful?”
“How can I support you in getting your needs met?” (e.g., holding the baby while the parent takes a shower).
Losing the identity we had before becoming a parent can be something that is grieved. Grief is not meant to be felt alone. I wonder how differently a person might feel in postpartum when they realize they do not need to find themselves through controlling their weight or body size, but rather through feeling seen and supported by another as they transition into their new identity as a parent.
