When Weight Gain = You Are A “Good” Parent
I have previously talked about how people feel like a success or failure in pregnancy based on their weight gain trend throughout pregnancy…
Today’s topic is more about how parents either feel like a success or failure based on their *child’s* weight gain trend and feeding journey.
I have worked with a number of individuals who have experienced:
Stressful medical professionals when the baby has lost >10% of the birth weight
Their child being labeled “failure to thrive” (which is the worst term to hear!) because of ‘inadequate weight gain’
Struggles with exclusively breastfeeding - an experience they feel ‘should’ have been ‘easy’ and an indicator of if they have a ‘healthy’ relationship/attachment with their baby
Feelings of exhaustion from triple feeding (if you know, you know!), only to see their baby’s weight percentage continue to drop or plateau
Guilt of turning to bottle feeding, or (gasp) formula feeding, for feeding support
Grief when recognizing they have a low milk supply
In all of these scenarios, I saw a common theme:
All of these parents felt like they were a “failure”, or “bad”, as a parent.
Once again, someone’s sense of worth becomes dependent on a number on a scale - a tangible indicator of whether or not someone is a “good” parent.
I struggled with low milk supply in my first postpartum. I can vividly remember my daughter and I both in tears. Her, trying to get to my breast to eat. Me, sobbing and telling her “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have nothing.”
While I *knew* I was a good mother, I still could not help but *feel* like I was a failure for not being able to provide my baby with the milk she needed.
But when we started supplementing with formula, and doing more bottle feeds to make sure she was getting enough, things got so much better.
She was more relaxed. I was more relaxed. Feedings were more pleasant and were beautiful moments of connection. We were happier and, honestly, our relationship was stronger.
Regardless of your baby’s weight, you are doing the best you can, and you are a great parent. You’ve got this. Keep going.
You do not have to go through this on your own. Please connect with a therapist (who specializes in working with perinatal mental health) to support you on your feeding and parenthood journey.
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