Fear of Death in Childbirth

Can I be totally honest with you for a second?

During my first childbirth, I was afraid I was going to die.

It is not uncommon to go into childbirth - especially your first experience with birth - with a fear of the unknown. 

There is so much out of our control. 

Our body, and the baby, are in control. 

That, alone, can be uncomfortable for a lot of people.

Something I didn’t realize until I was admitted into the hospital to give birth, was my fear of dying during childbirth.

I had just been admitted with severe pre-eclampsia - something I had not prepared for in all my researching and learning about the birth process.

I asked my first nurse on shift, “Am I going to die?”

She replied, “If you were giving birth a hundred years ago, in a field, yes. But you are in the hospital, and we are going to give you the best care.”

This gave me comfort, even if only for a short period of time.

But something else I was not prepared for, was the realm you enter when you give birth.

I read about it, yes, but it is an experience that is beyond words. 

The best way I can put it is, when my daughter was born, I knew I was *physically* in the same room as others, but I *mentally and emotionally* felt in a completely different place.

It was like there was this heightened awareness of how connected birth and death are:

Both transformational and powerful; one being correlated with joy, and the other with grief.

Even though I was not near death, physically, it *felt* like I was close to the experience of death.

I felt how *fragile* life felt. It was terrifying. It also made me grateful for this life I was given.

Woof. I know that was a lot to share. And I imagine I am not alone. Anyone out there feel this, too?